8/29/2008 - 12:09:44 PM
Reconciled
By Tom Hacker
FORT COLLINS - Long shadows fell across the Poudre River on the afternoon of July 29 when Ron Young waded into the chill water, opened a small box and poured the ashes of his daughter's killer into the swift current.
In the same place a few moments earlier, Dennis Sinnett had released into the river the remains of Michelle Sinnett, his daughter-in-law, the woman his son had shot to death before taking his own life.
One by one, in the same fashion, more than 30 members of the Young and Sinnett families said goodbye to the two they had loved and lost. The ritual was the way that they marked a profound milestone on the path to forgiveness, reconciliation and unity nearly two years after Michelle and Jeff Sinnett died in an inexplicable murder and suicide on Nov. 11, 2006.
Both families now are engaged in a common effort to build a new home for Crossroads Safehouse, the nonprofit agency that offers safe harbor for women and their children who are victims of domestic violence.
"I feel blessed now, first, because we can even talk to one another, but more because of the way we have come together in this cause," said John Sinnett, Dennis' son and one of Jeff Sinnett's two surviving brothers. "It took so much hard work, especially on the part of the Youngs. But if this means just one family won't have to go through this, it's worth it."
Ron Young and Dennis Sinnett are both prominent members of the Northern Colorado business community: Young a longtime commercial broker with Re/Max Alliance Real Estate, Sinnett the founder and president of Sinnett Builders Inc.
Young and John Sinnett now share membership on a committee that steers the Crossroads project. Allied with them are other Fort Collins business leaders, including Justin Larson, founder of JCL Architecture, who is donating his services to the cause, and Bob Heath, founder of R.C. Heath Construction Co.
Courage, commitment
The project would not have come to fruition without the courage and commitment of two families, and those who walked with them.
"That kind of forgiveness is a lesson for the whole community," said Sister Mary Alice Murphy, a consultant for the Center for Hope in Fort Collins and whose counsel Dennis Sinnett's wife, Rosie, sought the day following the tragedy. "There's so little of it in our world. It's the kind of thing that needs to be mirrored across nations, as well."
Heroes abound in the story of the Sinnett and Young families. Rev. Jeff Wright of Heart of the Rockies Christian Church helped nurture the Sinnetts' enduring faith, while Rev. Brian Bestian of St. John's Lutheran Church helped Ron and Tracy Sinnett find peace and reconciliation.
"The real meaning in their story is that these people moved through the animosity, the anger, the hurt, the loss," Wright said.
Ron Young turned to Crossroads Safehouse soon after his daughter's death to seek some meaning in his crushing loss. He joined the group's advisory board within weeks of the deaths, then accepted a request to join the board of directors. A year later, he called John Sinnett and asked if he would be willing to join in the effort to build a new and much larger shelter.
"Ron reached out to us, and I told him I would do anything I could," John Sinnett said. "There's so much we can do for this project in the way of consulting and advising. That's the role I'm playing."
The two families had been interwoven, both personally and in business affairs, for more than two decades. On the day that Jeff, 41, and Michelle, 40, died, Sinnett Builders was at work on a Wellington project that Young was developing.
The Youngs had known Jeff Sinnett since he was a young teenager, and came to love him as their daughter's husband and the stepfather of two grandchildren, Michelle's sons Taylor and Chase, now in their early 20s.
Sharing the grief
"The Jeff that did this was not the Jeff we knew and loved," said Judy Young, Ron Young's former wife and Michelle's mother. "I know the Sinnetts grieve the loss of their son as much as we do Michelle's. I know that Ron and John, at the time, were so, so angry. But it takes so much energy to be negative, and it just doesn't get you anywhere. We can't live our lives the other way."
In a five-minute video interview that Ron Young and his wife, Tracy, did for Crossroads Safehouse, Young described in chilling detail how his daughter and son-in-law died. He also recalled the signals that Jeff Sinnett was troubled, describing how he had fired a shot in the couple's home, triggering a breakup 10 months before their deaths.
While work with Crossroads was a logical refuge for Ron Young in the aftermath of his daughter's death, the Sinnett family also claimed a strong tie to the shelter agency. John Sinnett's twin brother, Russell, had been a Crossroads benefactor.
A Denver lawyer and an accomplished photographer, he had donated samples of his work - some of them photos taken at the shelter - for auction at the agency's annual fundraiser.
In fact, he was present at Crossroads Safehouse's annual gala fundraiser on the day his brother and Michelle Sinnett died. He learned of the tragedy in a telephone call while at the gathering.
Ron Young also got the call as he and a colleague were returning by car from a business trip to eastern Colorado. Enveloped in grief and shock, he went straight to the home of his son, Chris, to join other family members. By the time he arrived, Rev. Bestian was also there.
"He offered support, advice, everything," Young said. "I've always been a strong Christian, and that fact has helped carry me through this."
A week after Michelle Sinnett's death, Bestian officiated at her funeral, which drew more than 1,300 mourners, including the members of the Sinnett family, to St. John's Lutheran.
Bestian is now among those who stand in admiration of what the families have accomplished.
Through God's grace
"They're made of human flesh, just like you and I are, but it was the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives that made this possible," he said. "Ron and Tracy and Judy, through God's grace, have turned around and forgiven."
The road to forgiveness began in the immediate aftermath of the two deaths. Ron Young, accompanied by Tracy and Judy, drove to the Sinnetts' home the following day, where they found Rosie and Dennis alone in their grief.
"Ron told us, 'There are no ifs here,'" Rosie Sinnett said, recalling the Youngs' visit. "'If I had only ... If I had done ... If I had known, I would have. Those need to be put behind us, now.'"
But, she acknowledged the presence of another "if" in the families' lives. "Today I say, 'If Jeff or Micky had known to go to Crossroads for help, maybe we would have our children today.' We must move on now and help protect others from this type of tragedy and we believe Crossroads is a way to do that."
Rosie said that Michelle - "Micky," as she was known in the family - had called her Mom from the day the two met. "We would meet in the park before church and walk in the gardens, taking so long we would sometimes miss church," she said.
The Youngs were equally close to Jeff. The summer before their deaths, Jeff and Michelle invited Ron and Tracy Young on an outing to one of their favorite places, Gateway Park near the mouth of Poudre Canyon.
It was at the same place in late July that the families gathered for their final goodbyes. Ron Young had a message for all, as he scattered his son-in-law's ashes.
"As I stood in the river, I said to the families, 'The Jeff I knew, I loved. The Jeff that I didn't know, I will never understand,'" Young said. "We're taught to forgive, and that's not easy to do, especially in this case. For some members of my family it wasn't going to happen immediately. Now, we're stronger and closer than ever."
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